What do we do when our children have tantrums? Do we easily give in? Are we contributing to a good foundation of their character, or are we showing love and care with the wrong mindset?
New expectant parents tend to believe that their unborn son or daughter will grow up as the closest thing to perfection.
He or she won’t wail like a banshee when hungry or upset. Potty training and teaching life lessons will be a breeze. Other kids will flock around him or her too because of their fun spirit and friendliness.
The reality that no one can ever be “perfect” only sets in once the child comes to the world, and the parents understand how feisty and temperamental kids can become. They can shed big, fat tears if parents don’t give what they’re asking for instantly. They may have an angry meltdown during mealtime when parents serve the food they don’t want to try. Worse, young children never pick a time or place to throw an angry tantrum; that’s why parents might often see themselves struggling to manage an angry kid at a shop, restaurant, or playground. Meri Wallace, LCSW, defines an angry tantrum as “your child’s form of protest. Whenever you interfere with her desire to have something, do something or go where she wants to go, she gets mad.”
While it is understandably frustrating to manage this kind of angering situation often, parents can’t keep the children in the house forever. They have to build connections outside and learn from others too. Hence, parents need to use a few anger management counseling tricks for parents to pacify temperamental kids in public.
Anger Management Tricks For Parents
- Don’t Ignore How They Feel – Anger Is A Valid Emotion Even For A Child
Kids tend to get angry when they sense that parents are only half-listening to what they say. In their mind, they probably say, “Ah, you’re ignoring me because I’m a child? I’ll show you how childish I can be.” “Sometimes kids act up because they feel that’s the only way they’ll be heard by parents. Try to step in earlier as a parent—when frustration begins but before misbehavior occurs.” Eileen Kennedy-Moore Ph.D. explains. That is usually when the angry whining gets louder, and even when parents try to offer what they initially want, they’ll push it away from the parent.
The anger manager’s trick for avoiding this angry outburst is to validate their emotions immediately. Parents, never assume that kids are overreacting and just angry since they might be sad about something. In case parents don’t agree with their dilemma, parents may still provide validation by paraphrasing their words.
2. Move To A Quiet Space
Parents shouldn’t expect an angry kid to rehash what angered him or her at that moment. No, parents have to wait patiently until their rage subsides.
What may speed up this anger management process is carrying or pulling your child away from the scene and bringing him or her to a quiet spot. “Move your child to a more private place,” says Laura Markham Ph.D. She adds “Maybe you can go to your car, or to an out of the way spot at the mall where you won’t be disturbing other people. Just as important, you won’t be tempted to parent as onlookers think you should, so you can follow your own parenting instincts.” E.g., a room on the far end of the building, the bathroom, or even inside the car. It effectively shields the angry youngster from the thing that triggered his or her angry meltdown. Furthermore, he or she won’t be too shy to give you the real reason behind the angry tantrum as there’s no one else around.
- Choose Your Battles
Finally, if no amount of talking can help you, parents ought to pack your stuff and leave the place. Parents have to accept that there are battles involving their children that you can’t always win. Sometimes they’ll listen to their parents, but other times they won’t have any of it.
The thing is, their temper will subside after a while if you let them be. Then, you may return to the public area once your offspring’s calm.
Doing all the anger management counseling tricks mentioned above is beneficial not just for you, but for your temperamental kid as well. Imagine, you can understand him or her better. In return, he or she will feel that you, as a parent, consider their issues as real, and not some child’s play.
There will be a day when they’ll correct their angry actions themselves. Until then, however, stick to a pacifying routine whenever your son or daughter throws tantrum in public.