Parenting Tips and Guide Info

Parents require a certain amount of patience and endurance when providing additional attention and care of their special needs kids on top of struggling to keep their marriage and life together.

“To begin, there is no strict or clear definition of what it means for a child to have “special needs.” Many people think of special needs as necessarily involving a serious or chronic medical condition, wrote Seth Meyers, PsyD.

Couples therapists are well-aware that finding the right amount of balance is demanding. Married couples must find a way to meet in the middle primarily if that would entail settling things in a way that obligations within the house won’t affect their relationship and their responsibilities with their special needs children.

Not every day is a great day; certainly, there will be days when stress will just eat you whole. But, if couples surpass these challenges, they will become more mature and skillful in handling their situation without compromising mutual respect and equilibrium.

So, how do couples go about sustaining their marriage while being responsible parents to their special needs child? Here are some significant inputs from therapists that couples can consider.

You Are Equal

In handling a family, couples should see each other eye-to-eye; nobody should be above the other for it would only lead to disputes. Remember that as parents, you are a team who are mainly tasked to get through with life, warding off difficulties and solving problems. Though there will be times that you will find yourselves at the losing end, it’s entirely normal.

“For couples counseling to work, a couple must want to move forward together. They should have a shared vision of what their relationship could be,” wrote Rose Reif, LPCA, CRC, BC-TMH. Learn to work together in taking care of your special needs child. As equals, couples should communicate with each other about their main responsibilities inside the house and what their contributions are to the family.

Reduce Blaming, Practice Forgiving

Everybody makes mistakes. Even those who have perfected their crafts still encounter missteps. Therefore, if issues arise regarding special needs care or anything concerning the relationship, talk with each other about the issue as calmly as possible.

Catherine Aponte, PsyD, suggested, “I offer collaborative negotiation as the process by which issues are identified, discussed, and resolved in such a way that each partner feels honored and valued—supporting the coupleship for the long haul.” Allow your partner to vent and acknowledge their frustrations for they are valid. Despite the errors made, learn to forgive because it is the only way that couples recover from disharmony. Cease the blaming and try to not habitually re-open sensitive subjects that have been agreed upon in the first place.

If you have I-told-you-so comments brewing inside your head, just keep it to yourself. Blaming is destructive and makes couples lose respect for each other. Furthermore, as one practices the act of forgiveness, the other must also be accepting of mistakes made.

Accept Differences

A person will only reveal his or her true nature once you start living together; this is particularly true for married couples. There will be instances that you will be breathing down each other’s necks not because you hate each other but because your views and principles on doing things inside the house and taking care of your kids don’t coincide; especially regarding discipline, treatment options, school curriculum, and finances. Relax. There will be days like that. Consider those kinds of days as periods of adjustment and learning – you will know how to respect each other’s principles, thoughts, and opinions while being able to learn more about each other

Usually, the best way to deal with differences is to weigh who gave the better option and accept defeat. You also have to remember that there will be days that your partner will provide better options so you should give way. In the end, everyone benefits, especially your special needs child because more options open up better opportunities for childcare.

Rekindle The Romance

Just because you’re swamped with responsibilities and obligations in and out of the family, doesn’t mean that you cannot be intimate and romantic, just like the way it used to be when you’re still on the process of dating. Rekindle heartwarming moments by doing sweet things no matter how simple they would appear.

Do bed and breakfast, add loving and thoughtful notes on personal items, and bring favorite things for no reason at all. To make someone smile is one of the greatest feelings in life, it makes you remember what made you fall deeply with each other and quickly wipes away the stressors and troubles of the day.

Make Time For Each Other

Spending time together after a challenging day or week be complicated, but it’s vital in reconnecting with each other. Have a moment for yourselves as a couple. Go on a quick getaway. Take advantage of your support systems like relatives and grandparents. Remember that keeping your relationship healthy is as important as taking care of your special needs children for, without harmony between individuals, it would be more challenging to provide care.

At first, your relationship will be very rocky, and you both will stumble a couple of times. But that’s not a sign that you should give up easily. That’s how marriages work. Therefore, it is essential that you appreciate the efforts made, respect varying perspectives, and embrace differences. Only then will you understand your partner and be in unity when taking care of your special needs child.

 

“Gratitude is a powerful human emotion. By conveying and receiving simple ‘thank you’ messages, we can truly derive the pleasure that we seek everywhere else,” wrote psychiatric counselor Madhuleena Roy Chowdhury, BA. Gratitude, if promulgated accordingly, will reap bountiful benefits for your children.

Isn’t it such a satisfying feeling to raise a child who knows how to be thankful for everything that life bestows on them no matter how big or small or good or bad the outcome may be?

Continue reading “Ways to Cultivate Gratefulness from Your Child”

 

 

Depression is an uphill battle, one that requires support.  Continue reading “The Battle against Depression: Fighting Alongside Your Teens”

If you were ever lost for words to explain to your children why they should care about curfew, then do not worry we have been in the same boat and are here for you. It is vital that you never tell your kids, ‘because I said so.’ as a justification for any of your actions. While it might be a quick answer to the now, your child will lack the proper knowledge of why to not do what you are trying to push them away from. Imagine what will happen in the teenage years when they try to look for reasons to not stay out past curfew will it be just because you say so? If this was new information to you, then read on for some other important parental information.

“Curfews are an important tool in helping to manage a teen and keep them away from risky situations,” said Michael Dennis, PhD. “They are at risk for being able to use and/or using to the point of getting in a dangerous situation in terms of sexual risk, being in a car with a driver being intoxicated, getting into a fight, and a variety of other things. Therefore, it’s important for parents to come up with clear boundaries about when kids need to be home and to make sure that those kids follow those boundaries.”

Aside from typical home curfews, Katelyn Alcamo, LCMFT, also suggests setting a technology curfew for younger kids. She said, “This means all devices should be stored with the parents after a certain time of night. This is the time when most kids get into trouble with their social media use, as it is often unsupervised. There is no one available to support them if something negative happens.”

Choosing The Right Time

Now the best time to tell your kid about a curfew might come to a surprise to most parents, but it is now. The rumours that there is a certain age to start talking about curfew is just that rumor. What is the right time to start teaching responsibility? What is the right time to not worry about your child? When is the right time for someone to snatch your kids off of the streets? While it is impossible to keep your child a hundred percent safe (unless you are fortunate enough to afford to homeschool), it is possible to mitigate. The timing is not what you need to worry about but rather the wording.

“The matter of curfew raises both specific and symbolic issues. Specifically, curfew has to do with how late an adolescent is allowed to stay out by parents who set a time she has to be home. Symbolically, curfew has to do with parents setting limits on the adolescent’s personal and social freedom at an older age,” wrote Carl E Pickhardt, PhD.

 

Stern But Fair

When you are telling your kid about curfew, it is important that establish a stern but fair tone and nothing on the far end. Coming off as too stern then you child might feel rebellious in later years and miss curfew just to spite you when it is just notwithstanding their safety. However, if you are too lax, then the seriousness of the curfew will fall on deft ears which are just as terrible. Read on if you are having trouble with the wording.

Explain

Now to sound like you are setting these new timelines for their safety rather than abitarily is to speak to your child like an adult. The worst thing that you talk to them below their intelligence as this will be a conversation that they are going to need to remember for years. Do not spare any of the gory details either as you tell them everything from curfew police to the drunks to the child molesters that walk the streets. It is also important to teach your kid that not all strangers all evil. Just the ones that are overly friendly at first or seem gruff from appearance. There might not be a way to tell your kid what a child molester looks like but you can tell them what a decent stranger looks like but under no circumstances should they follow or take anything from a said person.

Reward

The last and least important thing that you need to tell your kid after all else has been mentioned is that they will not go unrewarded. This site has an excellent article on creating a reward system but here is an overview of reward systems that you can do depending on your budget:

 

*Tight Budget Reward System

Have your child write a top ten of things that they want for Christmas. Tell them that you will mark out and a checkmark by their behaviour to the curfew rules.

 

*Moderate Budget Reward System

Use your knowledge of your kid to your advantage as you give them their most/least favourite food in accordance to their behaviour. If they are good for prolonged periods of time, the rare non-holiday gift is beneficial.

 

*High Budget Reward System

Plainly start an allowance for your child. Something you wish your parents had done huh?

 

 

When your kids know how to control their own behaviors, what is there to discipline?

The catch is actually quite simple – if your kids are aware of the things that they are doing wrong, they would also know how to make it right.

 

Continue reading “Best-Kept Secrets Of Rearing A Well-Mannered Child”

 

First-time parents will experience a lot of changes once their firstborn arrives.

What are to be expected? How are your lifestyle and your relationship with your partner going to be affected? How will your body and mind take these adjustments?

Continue reading “Adjustments Parents Have to Experience with Firstborns”

 

 

Naturally, parents tend to be overprotective of their children in such a way that may or may not be beneficial.

Chances are, you have become that kind of parent who is unknowingly holding back your child or children from thriving independently and also keeping them from fully exhibiting their potential of becoming a good leader someday. Failure to recognize this parenting error can severely affect your children’s progress and cripple their likelihood gaining a solid image for themselves, coddling them through every aspect of their lives.

Continue reading “Successful Parenting 101: Behaviors that Hinder Children from Maturing Into Great Leaders”

 

 

As you might have guessed, we are against letting an, at the cheapest, $500, 1.5 pound-screen define your parenting abilities. We can’t count how many adverse developmental effects of excessive iPad usage have been talked about, but believe us when we say it’s not right. We’re talking things like speech delay, obesity, and psychological disorders.

We’re here to make sure that we open the eyes of parents everywhere that sometimes old-fashioned is good:

 

Sports

 

 

Either find a sport your child could enjoy inside your home, or enroll them in a sports class like swimming or soccer, as many moms have recommended. The incredible fact about sports is that it provides learning on both the physical and emotional aspects. Your child’s attention will be kept only because you’re introducing a new concept wherein their body will be engaged. They’re going to learn how to listen, imitate, follow the rules, and wait for instructions. “In the short run, young athletes get to have fun running, throwing, kicking, jumping, turning, or whatever a sport has to offer, which means they are physically active. Many sports are played outside, which further promotes their overall health.” says Jim Taylor Ph.D. He adds “These benefits are especially important these days where far too many kids are spending far too much time indoors in front of a screen.”

Find neighbors and relatives who are also interested in involving their kids in sports programs. It’ll be great for you to have people to carpool with and chat while the kids are doing their thing.

 

Arts & Crafts

 

For those parents who aren’t so keen on leaving their homes or having to watch their kids to not hurt themselves, we can thank our ancestors for introducing arts & crafts. It’s a great alternative to the usual plastic toys because your child learns about their ability to create. The feeling of being able to translate what they’re thinking into something their eyes can see will extraordinarily keep their attention. Susan K Perry Ph.D. wrote “Teach them to keep an open mind about what creativity is and what art can be. Even if they don’t choose to pursue art as a career, such open-mindedness will help them in so many ways.”

Join them, or have the whole family join them, and encourage them to explore different techniques, even if it means getting messy. It’ll teach them to communicate & have fun while doing it!

 

Movies

Here is where we give you a half-and-half about the least effort alternative technique to handing your kid an iPad, and that is to put on a good movie on your home TV. It provides a more controlled environment for your child because you can decide what to play on the TV, instead of giving them full authority to do whatever they want. Choose good movies! Read as many reviews as you can, especially if they’re kid-friendly for your child’s particular age.

Try looking for singing and dancing videos for your kid as well. You can find a lot online or check out some singing and dancing for boys and girls xbox games. This is to encourage them to get up and move around, so they know better than to sit all day.  Nate Kornell Ph.D. advises that “If you want to be good at something, the first step is to try a lot of things. Be patient and let something you’re good at choose you. This is true for everything where performance matters; instruments, sports, academic subjects, and so on. Even occupations.”

We know that having iPads for your kids makes your life infinitely more comfortable, because, in places outside your home like the supermarket or the mall, it becomes your best chance at avoiding a public spectacle from your children. Once in a while is alright, but remember to balance it with all the alternatives today’s world provides.

Get them to speak, get them to interact with people, get them to do something active everyday to help ensure the best development for your child. They will surely be thankful in the future once they are reaping the benefits of being not dependent on iPad.