Naturally, parents tend to be overprotective of their children in such a way that may or may not be beneficial.
Chances are, you have become that kind of parent who is unknowingly holding back your child or children from thriving independently and also keeping them from fully exhibiting their potential of becoming a good leader someday. Failure to recognize this parenting error can severely affect your children’s progress and cripple their likelihood gaining a solid image for themselves, coddling them through every aspect of their lives.
The reason relies on the fact that you, as a parent, are either doing too much or too little. What are these behaviors and how can you do something about it.
- Immediately rescuing your child even before a problem exists.
One would notice that the current generation lacks the skills that the kids who started living 30 years ago possess. Millennials can be more knowledgeable and passionate, but they somehow have shortcomings regarding existential skills. This is because the adults of today are like superheroes that tend to swoop right in and handle the issues by themselves.
As explained by Catherine Jackson, PsyD, “When you keep doing everything for him or her or engage in permissive parenting you take away your child’s ability to think for themselves and to learn to do things for him or herself.”Children who are unable to solve their problems on their own and take responsibility for whatever circumstances are presented before they tend to have difficulties navigating through more complicated problems in the future.
But that’s not our reality. Parents won’t be forever with their kids and vice versa. There will come a time that your kids have to face the world on their own and would face challenges that may or may not be beyond their capacity. Leadership, in any aspect or form, requires taking the first step, carrying responsibilities on their own, and being accountable for their actions.
- Agreeing as a result of guilt.
Spoiling your kids with anything that they want is another parenting fail. Just because you promised that you wouldn’t allow poverty or scarcity to happen to your kids doesn’t mean that you have to lavish them with the things that you didn’t have before. Yes, your kids will hate you for it but only for a while. Learn to disagree and make them work hard for what they want. Rewards are good, but you know when to draw a line.
Providing everything your children want but don’t need to make them think that for as long as they asked for it, the world will give it to them easily. It’s unrealistic. By spoiling your kids, you have missed out on an opportunity of enforcing the principle that success is immensely dependent on good actions and deeds.
As explained by Susan Newmann, PhD, “No teaches children important lessons — how to cope with disappointment, how to argue, how to strike a balance between work and play, time management and task prioritization — essential
experiences that aren’t always taught in school. When children grow up learning these concepts, they are more likely to be successful in their academics, relationships, and later on, in their careers.”
- Sheltering them from personal mistakes.
Teenagers, most often than not, have dreams of exploring the world and experience new things independently. As parents, you allow them to. However, you should not hide important details in your lives that may help your children face similar difficulties. When you do not share relevant errors that you’ve done when you were still their age, you won’t be able to help them maneuver through the ups and downs of life. Parents must know how to influence their children to make the right decisions and recognize wrong ones; facing the consequences of their actions if they ever did chose the misguided path.
- Preaching but not practicing.
Parents are naturally good advisers. They instill goodness in a child, molding them into a human being capable of caring for others and the things around them. However, adults tend to lose character and eventually, some of their little lies will start to resurface. “Children not only learn from what they do, but they also learn from what they see their parents doing,” says Michael G. Connor, PsyD. Therefore, Therefore, parents must always assess themselves if they are no longer unable to practice what they preached. People will notice and most likely, your kids. They will think that your words have no bearing since you, as a parent, don’t follow it. So be mindful of your actions and walk the talk.
As a parent and as someone who is looked up to by the younger generations, you should be aware of the things that you are doing and showing the children. Because sometimes, what parents do for their kids, are not always what’s best for them.