Best Counselor Tips On Good Parenting

 

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Have you ever struggled with a problem, left it for a time, and consequently ended up realizing that you just had a short break from that problem? Below are some of the best tips from counselors and other mental health professionals gathered about good parenting. These tips are beneficial for dealing with kids, from parents to caregivers, teachers, and even nannies.

Don’t Be Too Loving

Experts agree that parents should not show too much love for their children. Instead, when it comes to ‘spoiling’ your child with too much love, this actually refers to the outcomes of giving your child too many things to substitute for love, be they reduced expectations, material gifts, or being too lenient.

It Matters What You Do

The way you react and deal with your child truly matters. Your child is looking at you! This vital principle encourages parents not to respond spontaneously but with a voluntary sense of what they want to achieve with a given reaction or mediation. The question is: What is the impact that this action or decision has on my kid?

Be Present Physically In His Life

This tip entails being present for your relationship, being physically there for your child emotionally and mentally. The effects of adopting this principle are that parents are often changing their plans and priorities in life, and along the way, they sacrifice the things they desire for their child and the child’s needs. It doesn’t necessarily mean that you have to do your child’s tasks, like homework. It implies that the parents who have not gone inside the gym during the season to be there for one of their child’s games are not taking heed of this principle and are most likely also tremendously frustrating.

Determine And Set Your Rules

Self-discipline occurs gradually through appropriate outside discipline from early years, as kids learn to handle themselves based on how they were handled when they were younger. Counselors tell parents that they must continually be capable of answering these important questions:

“Where is my child?

“What is my child doing now?”

“Who is my child?”

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Kids raised with no restrictions or limitations applied will have a tough time disciplining themselves in the future. Remember, parents, that this is not an alibi for you to micro-manage, as this may accomplish the opposite result.

Cultivate Your Child’s Individuality

Like managing your kids through rules, the restrictions set by parents when their child is young enable the child to establish internal boundaries (self-control) later on. When parents allow individuality, children get a sense of direction. Autonomous, positive living needs both. You can be searching for common parental errors, assuming that the motivation for individuality is disobedience or rebellion. You can assist parents in recognizing that it is natural to wish to be in control instead of being controlled by another.

Clearly Explain Your Decisions And Rules

Responsible parents have standards for their children to meet. Still, these are not probably obvious to their children – perhaps even their teens – because of their lesser experiences in life and varying priorities. Parents are inclined to explain to their children and under-explain to the teenagers overly, but it is still important to note that explaining greatly helps stimulate cooperation. When a child knows why his parents want something accomplished, he is most likely to oblige.

Practice Consistency

When the rules established differ from day to day (or case to case), children’s misconducts are the parent’s responsibility, not the children’s. Consistency is the parents’ most crucial disciplinary instrument, appropriately polished by well-defined identification of the parents’ non-negotiable rules. The more the parents’ influence is grounded on wisdom and not power, the lesser the kids will challenge it. Being inconsistent confuses the children.

Avoid Tough And Insensitive Discipline

Parents implore several types of extreme discipline, but the most unpleasant is that of physical mistreatment. Children who are scolded, slapped, or hit, are more disposed to fighting with other kids. They have a higher likelihood of being bullies and will probably use hostility to resolve conflicts with others. Parents must not hit their children. Hitting causes violence, and this leads to problems in relationships with others. What’s more effective are timeouts.

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Treat Them With Respect

If parents want to be respected by their kids, they should also respect them. Children must be given the same respect as anyone, which includes parents, family, and friends. Parents must talk politely, treat them kindly, and pay attention when their child talks to them. Parents must strive to please their kids whenever that is possible. They will treat other people the way parents are handling them, and their relationship with their children is their foundation for relationships among others as well.

 

 

 

Parent Counseling: Who Needs It?

 

 

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Family connections are among the most important connections there are. Each family has its share of conflicts, problems, and misunderstandings. To maintain harmony within the family, there should be a balance in the way parents raise their children, deal with personal concerns, and handle misunderstandings. Parent counseling is an instrumental service that provides impartial support and assistance, helping parents and kids understand and recognize the needs of each member of the family.

Definition

Becoming a parent is one of the most fulfilling experiences in life, but it could also be the most demanding. After helping your child learn how to talk, crawl, and walk, you progress to teaching them more complicated skills, such as dealing with an argument or communicating efficiently. There are hundreds of parenting books available in the market, and you can easily be confused.

Parent counseling is a type of mental health service that strives to offer tools, mental and emotional support, and knowledge, all without any judgment at all. Unlike family counseling, which offers its own range of benefits, parent counseling centers on how parents impact their family dynamics.

Parent counseling offers various modalities and therapies that assist parents in better understanding their intrinsic parenting techniques and then delve deeper into comprehending how different problems impact and possibly alter these techniques. When parents are armed with the knowledge of how to fix their personal concerns, they can turn their complete attention to maintaining, instilling, and regaining balance and harmony in the home.

Who Needs It?

Although experts recommend parents to attend counseling once or twice, parent counseling is more necessary for parents who are:

  • Planning To Get Separated Or Divorced. Divorce or separation affects kids just as much as it affects parents. Together with fresh challenges that accompany the difficulties of single parenting, divorced or separated parents have to meticulously deal with their kids’ feelings and walk them through the changes.

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  • Going Through Violence Or Abuse. Any type of abuse that a parent experiences can lead to tension, stress, fear, and further violence that would build up throughout the entire home.

 

  • Going Through Loss. A partner, marriage, child, or a job can all be reasons for a parent to grieve for someone or something that he or she has lost. This loss could ultimately lead to them being incapable of performing their obligations to the family.

 

  • Experiencing Marriage Problems. From cheating to money issues to simple argument gone worse, marriage problems can tremendously affect the children and the entire household. It is crucial to try and resolve these problems so that the children don’t have distorted views about marriage and love.

 

  • Suffering From A Health Problem. Physical or mental health conditions can prevent parents from being there for their kids and the entire family and keep them from accomplishing their parental obligations.

 

  • Working On Children/Teen Issues. At times, when your kids grow up to be teens, they become the source of tension and stress for you, particularly when you are dealing with them because they can alter abruptly over a brief time. Parents are typically most concerned about alcohol and drug abuse, but teenagers are most worried about bullying and mental health. Parent counseling provides you with the tools to deal with the issues that your children may be confronted with, including the communication tools to help them without humiliating them for help.

Benefits Of Parent Counseling

The parent is vulnerable to different issues that will impact how they care for their families, particularly when considering how they rear their children. When they make a move and start parent counseling, parents prove to their children that they truly care for the whole family’s well-being.

Below are some benefits of parent counseling.

  • It teaches parents the strengths and weaknesses of your parenting styles, helping you optimize the strengths and work on the weaknesses.
  • You are given an impartial view from someone outside of your home, such as your counselor, enabling you to make sound choices with the advice of a qualified counselor.
  • Parent counseling teaches you strategies to manage conflict, which incidentally your children that misunderstandings can be a healthy opener for better communication.
  • It helps cope with parental expectations. When a conflict between children and parents has gone to a point where both parties can’t win, the most suitable thing to do is to stop and reassess your expectations for your children, and parent counseling will help you achieve this. The sessions will take up techniques and skills to help parents break through various types of conflicts.

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Finally, and the most crucial of all, parent counseling gets rid of the pressures of being a perfect parent. Among the most popular reasons, parents do not go into counseling because attending a counseling session implies that you are a failure as a parent. The truth is, it is simply the opposite. The role of the counselor is to work with the parents impartially and without criticism, helping them be the best parents that they can be. Taking measures to improve yourselves as parents how your kids that you truly love and care for them.

 

 

Frequently Asked Questions About Beck Depression Inventory

Parenting is never an easy task. Becoming a parent entails a great deal of obligation and duty, and becoming a great parent entails even more. Many expecting couples, especially first-time parents, undergo counseling to gain more insight into parenting life. It is within their best interest to provide only the best things for their kids.

For parents, raising their children in a loving and supportive environment is very important. That is why parents always have a say and deal with most things about their children’s lives. From newborn formula to clothes to friends to education, parental role in decision-making is always present. Parents want to make sure that they meet their children’s needs and that they get to look after them.

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If you have been to a baby shower or the first birthday of a couple’s child, you will always hear the parents wish their son or daughter grows up to be a healthy child. Health is wealth, after all. However, there are instances in life when the unexpected happens. No matter how hard parents try to provide the best for their family, things can go wrong.

Mishaps can happen. Every family goes through troubles and difficulties, especially with kids. Slacking in school, getting into fights, being physically sick—these are all normal in growing children. What’s not normal is your children consistently missing school and long periods of low mood or irritability. As parents, you must always ask your children if there is an underlying problem.

Unfortunately, the mental well-being of a child is often unaccounted for in many households. When a family faces a crisis, it takes a toll on both the parents and the children’s psychological health. Psychologists have developed a Beck Depression Inventory, one of the most common self-assessment methods that measure the severity of an individual’s depressive symptoms. 

Who can use the Beck Depression Inventory?

Short types of Beck Depression Inventories have been created to screen major depressive disorders found in non-psychiatric clinical groups and children and adolescents. The BDI is not an instrument that can be used to diagnose depression, but instead, it can be utilized to assess the severity or intensity of one’s depressive symptoms.

What does the Beck Depression Inventory measure?

The BDI is a self-rated scale that contains 21 items used for evaluating key indications of depression, including pessimism, self-dissatisfaction, mood, a sense of failure, guilt, self-dislike, suicidal ideations, punishment, social withdrawal, body image modifications, crying, and indecisiveness.

Is the Beck Depression Inventory reliable?

One of the studies done on the BDI showed that it is a reliable, effective, and the culturally significant instrument used for calculating depression symptoms in FCCCD. It is a structure that has two factors containing cognitive and somatic-affective factors.

What is the difference between BDI and BDI II?

The conventional BDI was rooted in patient descriptions and clinical interpretations. On the other hand, the BDI II comprises items that reveal affective, vegetative, somatic, and cognitive symptoms of depression.

How much does the Beck Depression Inventory cost?

These are the quantities that compose the Beck Depression Inventory-II and their corresponding prices.

  • 5-49: $3.05
  • 5-99: $2.95
  • 100-249: $2.90
  • 250+: $2.80 

How do I reference the Beck Depression Inventory?

The values for the items in the inventory are summed to a total rate for all the 21 symptoms that could range from 0 to 63 points. A 0 to 7 is reflected as minimal anxiety; 8 to 15 as mild; 16 to 25 moderate; and 26 to 63, severe.

Is the Beck Anxiety Inventory free?

There is available free access to the score form and the assessment. However, it is a self-reported gauge. The Beck Depression Inventory and the Beck Anxiety Inventory are typically utilized self-report questionnaires to identify the presence of depression and anxiety.

How many questions are on the Beck Depression Inventory?

All three Beck Depression Inventories done by Aaron T. Beck contain 21 questions that are multiple-choice and self-report inventories. They are among the most popularly utilized psychometric examinations used for assessing a person’s level of depression.

How is the BDI score calculated? 

The BDI II is calculated by adding the ratings for all 21 items. Each of these items is scored using a 4-point scale that ranges from 0 through 3. The highest score is 63. Attention must be given to the proper scoring of the ‘sleep pattern changes’ and ‘appetite changes’ items. 

How do you score and interpret the BDI II?  

Scoring instructions for BDI II are given with the suggestion that limits be altered based on the features of the sample and the purpose of the BDI II. The total grade of 0 to 13 is considered minimal, 14 to 19 mild, 20 to 28 is moderate, and finally, 29 to 63 severe.

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What is the PHQ 9 Depression Scale?

The PHQ depression scale, commonly called PHQ-9, is 50% the length of other depression scales. It has similar sensitivities and specificities, and it contains nine criteria by which the diagnosis of DSM-IV depression is based.

How do you interpret a PHQ 9?

PHQ-9 total rate for all 9 points ranges between 0 and 27. In this case, the PHQ-9 depression score is 16 (3 items rated 1, 2 items rated 2, and 3 items rated 3). Scores 5, 10, 15, and 20 signify mild, moderate, moderately severe, and finally, severe depression consecutively.

How do you interpret a GAD 7 score?

A 10 or above on the GAD-7 signifies a valid cut point for determining cases of GAD. Cut points 5, 10, and 15 may be translated as showing mild, moderate, and severe intensities of anxiety on the GAD-7, the same as the intensities of depression on PHQ-9.

When should the PHQ 9 Be Used?

PHQ 2 and 9 are to be utilized with persons 12 years old and above. Other screening instruments have been created and authorized for special populations, including older and young adults.

In Conclusion

Depression is a leading mental disorder affecting millions of people around the globe. While it is most common for those aged 18 and above, observing it in a person’s formative years is not uncommon.

Children between the ages of 7 and 17 are also susceptible to depression, often undiagnosed. Depression presents itself differently to everyone, even in kids. They may appear a happy-go-lucky child but may suddenly exhibit social withdrawal mistaken as shyness. Or they may be staying up late written off as a bad sleeping habit.

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Other signs of depression in children include engaging in self-destructive or reckless behaviors, eating changes, and persistent feelings of sadness or worthlessness. Having a mental illness can interfere with the growth and development of a child. As parents, they should be provided professional help at the first signs and symptoms of depression.

With the Beck Depression Inventory help, anyone, even children, can now get the support they need for their psychological well-being. BDI is a widely used method of evaluating an individual’s depressive symptoms. It consists of 21 questions answerable by a rating scale. It is a self-assessment. BDI can be completed by children entirely independently or with minimal help from a clinical psychologist if needed.

Getting a mental diagnosis at an early age can both be terrifying for the child and the parents. But it is crucial to do so, so your child can undergo treatment as soon as possible. Remember, as parents, you have to show unconditional love and support to your children. They will need you the most when they are diagnosed with depression.

Frequently Asked Questions About Managing Anxiety Chest Pain

You know that anxiety causes a different kind of symptoms that affects physical manifestation. These include trembling, shakiness, headaches, nausea, heart palpitation, stomach pain, shortness of breath, and chest pain. These physical attacks can happen at any time, especially when there is a constant feeling of impending danger.

In some unfortunate instances, the heightened reaction of anxiety often results in panic attacks that cause the possible connection to a heart complication. Thus due to sympathetic overactivity, a contraction of the small vessels of the heart becomes a problem.

While chest pain is not at all serious in some instances, some cases of it lead to heart failure. And that is not something someone would wish to deal with, especially when the goal is to feel emotionally and mentally okay.

Here are a couple of the frequently asked questions that you can use as a guide to provide you with quite significant information about the physical manifestations of mental health problem anxiety.               

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How do you get rid of anxiety chest pain?

Home remedies for anxiety chest pain include taking control of the situation. Acknowledge the anxiety you are feeling, recognize them, and then find ways to manage them effectively. Learn to do correct deep breathing exercises. Focused and profound breaths can effectively relax both your body and mind. Be positive about your mental and physical health. It would also help to utilize relaxation and calmness apps to help you visualize beautiful and peaceful scenery.

How does anxiety chest pain feel?

Anxiety chest pain is characterized by shooting and piercing pain. It is a persistent pain in the chest, which usually presents unusual muscle twitches or squeezing sensations in the chest.

You can easily deal with chest pain by breathing in slowly and relaxing your whole upper body in some cases. But if in case it persists, call your doctor right away so they can provide initial treatment for your chest pain.

Does Lorazepam help with chest pain?

If the chest pain that you’re feeling is secondary to anxiety, your doctor may recommend anxiolytics. These forms of drugs may help you to calm down and relax. Alprazolam and Lorazepam have commonly prescribed anxiolytics.

Is it my heart or anxiety?

Individuals who experience panic attacks frequently report that when they have anxiety, they are having a heart attack, as a lot of symptoms mimic the latter. Both illnesses could be accompanied by chest tightness, sweating, dizziness, shortness of breath, or even temporary paralysis or physical fatigue.

But note. Never self-diagnose. It would be best to endeavor professional advice whenever you feel like you are having a heart problem. DO not attempt to cure yourself based on searching for remedies online.

What is Cardiac Anxiety?

Individuals with cardiac anxiety experience ‘fear of fear.’ They always monitor themselves and are overly concerned about the condition of their heart. It is why they are constantly in a state of alarm. Typically, they are not aware that they are like this. There are no physical causes of cardiac anxiety.

Can chest pain from anxiety last for days?

There is a higher likelihood that this is a chest wall pain resulting from muscle contraction occurring with anxiety. As a matter of fact, due to these extreme muscle contractions, the chest could stay painful for hours or even days following a manic episode.

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Can you have anxiety chest pain all day?

Chest pain secondary to anxiety or panic attacks usually lasts for about 10 minutes. However, other symptoms could linger for up to one hour. Usual anxiety and panic symptoms can include lightheadedness.

Can anxiety chest pain last for weeks?

Consult your doctor if chest pain persists, worsens, or accompanies other signs and symptoms. A serious condition does not probably cause pain lasting for weeks or months. The problem is most likely associated with a muscular or skeletal structure.

Remember that whether you have lived with chest pain for over several years or have developed it due to a certain health condition, you still need to have a diagnosis. If it is causing you to breathe in a shallow manner and cause dizziness or chest tightness, immediately seek medical assistance.

How do I relax my chest muscles?

Stretching your pectoralis muscles helps relax the whole chest musculature. It is done by just raising your forearm and elbow up against the frame of a door. Move your arms up or down, depending on where you want the stretch to be. You must twist your torso gently away from your arms and find the tight areas during this position.

Does anxiety give you chest pains?

Panic and anxiety attacks can cause chest pains. Several related symptoms may include palpitations, trembling, lightheadedness, feeling short of breath, and tingling.

But with all these symptoms, you must understand the other health complications associated with chest pain. That way, you wouldn’t end up assuming having all sorts of diseases and mental health conditions.

Is anxiety bad for your heart?

Anxiety can result in rapid heartbeat, chest pain, and palpitations. You can also have a higher likelihood of experiencing increased blood pressure and heart problems. If you have an existing heart condition, anxiety disorders may increase the likelihood of coronary disease.

How can you tell the difference between chest pain and anxiety chest pain?

While chest pain is typical of both a heart attack and panic attack, the pain qualities are not often the same. In a panic episode, chest pain is commonly stabbing or sharp and specific to the mid-chest. Chest pain due to a certain heart attack may mimic a squeezing sensation or pressure.

What is bad anxiety?

Generalized anxiety disorder or GAD is a form of anxiety disorder described as chronic. It is usually accompanied by extreme tension and worry, even when there is nothing to be worried about.

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Insight

Anxiety may be a mental health problem, but it does not mean it cannot affect your overall function and internal organs. It is a condition that makes the whole system of your body fail. When situations are not entirely threatening, the stress rate heightens, and the whole body, including the heart, works ten times more than it should.

 

Frequently Asked Questions About Family Counseling For Everyone

I grew up hearing people tell me that they wished to live as I did, even just for a day.

It confused me at first, but in the end, I thought, “How could I blame them?”

For one, Calabasas had been my stomping grounds for as long as I could remember. I lived in the same gated community where many A-list Hollywood celebrities lived. Though everyone complained about the Great Depression when I was in high school, it did not affect my family. My parents – both of them – were celebrated surgeons, and their combined salaries were enough to buy three more mansions in the area. I never had to ride a bus to and from school either, considering I had a personal car and driver.

Nevertheless, what people seemed to overlook was that we were Asians. Mom and Dad were both in the US, but their parents were first-generation immigrants who continued to follow Asian traditions even on American soil.

I loved telling people about my heritage; I’m honestly proud of having ancestors who fought in those great wars and died as heroes. However, if there was one thing that I was not proud of, it was the fact that many Asian parents tend to value their social status more than their true feelings sometimes.

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Breaking The Picture-Perfect Idea

For instance, my oldest sister, Sia, got pregnant in her second year at UCLA. She was supposed to follow my parents’ footsteps and be the best doctor in California, but those plans went kaput as soon as she decided to marry her boyfriend and become a housewife.

My parents wanted to disown my sister when they learned about her pregnancy, of course. They kept berating her about how slutty she was for being unable to wait until after college to get married. However, to avoid any scandal, they threw a lavish wedding for my sister and pretended like they loved my brother-in-law.

In another circumstance, my father got caught with another woman one time. Mom was livid about it for weeks. She said, “What would our friends think once they found out about this?” I thought they would get divorced at that time, but Mom resolved that they would stick together no matter what.

However, what genuinely disturbed me and pushed me to drag all my family members to counseling was when my parents decided to sleep in bedrooms. In their hunger for a picture-perfect family, they’d rather stay in a loveless marriage instead of splitting up. I could not stand that, so I made an appointment for all of us.

Here are some things you may want to know about family counseling.

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What does a family Counsellor do? 

 A family counselor helps family members dispute with each other as they encourage the latter to communicate better and lay out their issues. That way, they can reach an agreement and reconcile.

Can you get family Counselling on the NHS? 

 Yes, you can get family counseling on the NHS. It is one of the various types of counseling that they offer. More importantly, you need not ask for a referral from your psychologist or psychiatrist before availing of their services.

What is family therapy, and what are its goals and benefits? 

 Family therapy is a type of treatment that parents, children, and other relatives tend to sign up for when they have issues that they cannot talk about without fighting or yelling. Family therapy’s primary goal is to end any dispute that causes a family to divide or fall apart. The therapist also helps the family members improve their communication skills to not fight about the same things.

One of the benefits of family therapy is that everyone realizes the meaning of healthy boundaries and family dynamics. Sometimes, that gets lost in some people, assuming that what they are doing is acceptable because they all live under one roof.

Family therapy is ideal for individuals to develop a more profound sense of empathy towards their relatives. The more you understand your loved ones, the more you will think twice before throwing hurtful comments towards them.

How much does an MFT charge per hour? 

 A novice marriage and family therapist (MFT) may charge up to $70 per hour. As they gain more years of experience, though, their rate can become $250 per hour.

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What is the difference between therapy and counseling? 

 Counseling is a short-term approach to help individuals deal with their current issues. For instance, when a couple fights because of a third party or your partner died, you need counseling to resolve your issues and know how to move on from the situation.

Meanwhile, therapy is a long-term approach that helps folks with deep-seated issues. This is useful if someone deals with childhood trauma, abuse, depression, anxiety, and other problems that cannot go away after a session or two.

Which Counselling approach is best? 

 Cognitive-behavioral therapy is one of the best approaches that psychologists and psychiatrists recommend to their patients. As the name implies, it recognizes how a person’s way of thinking affects their actions. Then, the therapist helps the patient recalibrate their thoughts to alter their behavior for the better.

Can Counselling be harmful? 

 Yes, counseling can technically be harmful, especially if the counselor you end up talking to does not have the proper training to offer to counsel. If you want to get this kind of help, it may be best to go straight to a psychologist instead of talking to anyone who poses as a counselor.

Why is it not good to have two therapists? 

 You cannot have two therapists because they follow different techniques and beliefs while treating a patient. That is true even when they ideally graduated from the same universities and received the same certifications. One may go left, while the other may go right.

It results in you getting confused or mixing up whatever the therapists have said. Instead of finding clarity and resolving your issues, you may end up dealing with more problems that were not there before you decided to see two therapists.

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How do I choose a counselor? 

 When you are looking for a counselor, the first thing you must ask yourself is, “How comfortable am I to talk to this person?” Your friends and family can recommend anyone and say they are the best, but if you do not feel some kind of connection with the counselor, you need to look for another.

You should also look at the counselor’s success rate and certifications. If they have more positive reviews than negative ones, it must mean that they are competent. 

What credentials should I look for in a therapist?

The therapist’s level of education is the primary credential that you need to look for. A bachelor’s degree in counseling or psychology does not suffice to call someone a therapist. You can only do that once they have a master’s or doctoral degree, as well as a license to conduct therapy.

Furthermore, it would be nice if the license is related to the kind of therapy they offer. For instance, if it’s marriage and family therapy, you should go to a licensed marriage and family therapist (LMFT).

Comparing Life Before And After Family Counseling

Despite the affluence that my parents gave me, I was unhappy before the family counseling. In my head, I would rather be a product of divorce than a product of two individuals who already grew apart.

To everyone’s surprise, though, Mom and Dad opened up about their reservations, fears, and disappointments. It was a long and tearful process, and we were nowhere near done with it. I was cool with that as long as it meant that I could feel lucky to belong in this family anytime.

 

Using Tough Love Without Destroying Kids’ Mental Health

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I remember being upset with my parents from the later part of my childhood up to young adulthood. The reason was that it felt like they were nicer to my younger sister compared to me. They always helped with her homework and exam preparations while I was always told that I should learn how to do it on my own. It got to the point where I willed myself to keep a poker face around my family to prevent showing any sign of weakness.

The thing was, my parents never admitted to favoring my younger sister when it came to who got tough love more. Mom often insisted, “It’s just the same for you both. But sometimes, we give in to your sister and help her more because she is weaker than you.” To that, my typical reply was, “Then, you should have pushed her harder instead of babying her.”

Nonetheless, my resentment melted away when I realized that my folks give me the biggest favor of all time when they gave me tough love.

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How Did That Happen?

Even though Mom and Dad pretty much gave me free rein to decide on how to run my life from a young age, I still received scolding from them due to my actions. Because of that, I quickly figured out that failing hurts and that I didn’t want to experience it repeatedly. I learned to be careful with my decisions and consider possible ways to attain my goals so that I wouldn’t always give my parents the satisfaction of telling me what I was doing wrong.

I could honestly say that tough love played a significant part in my success as it made me wiser than my peers. I knew that holding a grudge to anyone would have never let me get where I am now; instead, I needed to prove to myself that I could do things without my parents’ help. And it happened — all those years of looking out for myself paid off.

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How Did Tough Love Not Ruin My Mental Health?

You might not be able to imagine how many times I told people about my life story and how many of them asked, “But are you genuinely okay, mental-wise? Don’t you need to see a therapist?”

I guess their queries are understandable since plenty of individuals who received tough love from childhood ended up with depression, anxiety, and other psychological disorders. However, as shocking as it may sound, the experience has not caused me to lose any of my marbles. It may have fortified my mental resilience because other life obstacles that I have dealt with ever since have failed to compare to it.

The more I chatted with the people who felt victimized by their parents’ tough love, the more I realized what Mom and Dad did to ensure that it won’t ruin my mental health.

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They Never Used Corporal Punishment

Corporal punishment is a traditional method of disciplining children. Back in the day, if the child cheated on an exam or started a fight at school, for instance, their mother or father would smack them on the head or shake them hard. Some parents even used belts, brooms, and various household items to hit the kids’ bottoms, legs, thighs, or hands. They most likely thought that discipline could be beaten into a child (literally).

Since Mom and Dad never used corporal punishment on me, though, I did not experience the physical pain that came with it. My chances of having repressed anger towards my parents or impaired emotional or mental development were low, too.

Giving Empty Threats Wasn’t Their Cup Of Tea

I had always been weirded out by moms and dads who uttered empty threats to their growing kids. They could say, “If you don’t behave, the police will arrive to get you” or “If you don’t wash up now, I will call the monsters and let them eat you.” Without sounding like a prejudice, who could do that to their children?

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Although dishing out empty threats is common, I’m glad that my parents have never been into it. Whenever I was misbehaving, they merely uttered, “You can’t play video games all weekend” or “We will cancel your playdate.” Then, if I still didn’t straighten up, they would do what they just said. Missing playdates and losing access to video games one too many times could make any child like me realize that parents weren’t to be messed with.

They Always Scolded Me In Private

Another thing that made me grateful for my parents was their decision to scold me away from prying eyes. My sister or anyone else in the family never saw or heard them talk my ears off, claiming that they wanted to teach me a lesson, not embarrass me. Although it took some time before I understood it, my parents’ thoughtfulness allowed me to be mentally stable.

Final Thoughts

My relationship with Mom and Dad officially improved when I started raising my firstborn. I realized how much pressure they were likely under to make sure that I was growing up well. So, to keep me from going out of line, they taught me how to be resilient and decisive. Could there be a better gift than those?

Parenting Hacks For Big Families

 

 

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My friend Joanne has five children ages 3 to 14, and her home here in California could instantly transform into a madhouse when everybody wakes up in the morning. I should know – I live next door to her. She starts to get busy at 6 in the morning when she makes breakfasts for the kids and then packs their lunches. Frequently, she has to find the other shoes so the preschoolers won’t be late for school. She hurriedly fixes the hair of her seven-year-old and goes to the bathroom to brush her five-year-old son’s teeth. When everyone’s out, and into the bus, she gets to sit for five minutes, chats with me from her patio for 2 minutes, and then gets ready for laundry. She often tells me that it has been an awesome spectacle that she has been blessed with.

Ironically, several studies have proven that parents with three or more children are essentially the happiest. The love and delight that these parents get from their kids surpass the frequent madness of life with a large family. However, due to necessity, parents of many kids must learn to practice smart hacks and tactics in order to keep up with life while maintaining an organization.

Consumption for Large Families

  • Develop a routine for favorites. As a parent, it is easier to ask your spouse and children what their top of the list of food and snacks. You can then list them and create a rotation of these food choices weekly or monthly. You’ll find that it becomes less difficult to go grocery shopping and to plan your meals.
  • Designate cups, glasses, and plates. When the day starts, it’ll be more organized if your children already have names assigned to their plates and glasses for the day or week. This way, they’ll put them on the counter, and that’ll be their glass for the day.
  • Use a large bread to make mini sandwiches. I’ve seen Joanne do this when she prepares lunch packs for her kids. She puts some spread and vegetables on French bread and cuts them into mini-breads for all of them. This is such a great hack.

 

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Get Rid of Your Stress

  • Be an early bird. Things are indeed more structured in the mornings if you wake up early and get dressed even before the kids are awake.
  • When you have trouble keeping the whole house tidy and organized, and you have guests coming over, or you just need to keep some of the house clean, the general suggestion is to make sure that two of the rooms are clean and in order.
  • Start a journal. Writing down your happy thoughts and experiences helps improve one’s optimism. Practice it every day and look back on your good memories at the end of the year.

Pacify The Chaos

  • Go with color-coding. Designate a specific color to each of your kids. Color-coded glasses imply one glass per kid rather than seeing ten glasses on the sink all at once. When you see towels scattered on the floor, you’ll know who to reprimand and ask to get their mess cleaned up.
  • Invest in bins and baskets. I do this, too, with my toddler’s toys and books. It’s going to save you time and space to keep your children’s things in labeled containers. For books, you can rotate them every four weeks into the shelves for your children to reach and use. This hack is definitely a keeper!
  • Establish stringent routines. Set after-school rules like taking off their shoes, cleaning their lunch boxes, putting away their backpacks in an assigned space, and then doing their homework. Make them practice these rules every single day until it becomes a routine.

Save Time, Effort, and Space

  • Have comfortable hair and tooth brushing spaces. Joanne tells me this hack has really helped her save more time in cleaning and organizing the home. She has a drawer behind the counter for the kids’ toothbrushes, and it’s easier for them to do the brushing after they eat – they don’t need to back upstairs. The hairbrushes are also kept at a certain area in the living room where she can get one and fix her daughters’ hairs while they’re sitting down for breakfast.

 

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  • Consider one-time reading for everyone. You might have to rethink the usual bedtime stories. With four or more kids, you’d be spending and wasting two hours on that. After their daily routines, invite them over to the living room and let them listen to an interesting audiobook. You can join in too while you’re folding the laundry.
  • Do without the extracurriculars for children below 7. It’s been difficult for Joanne to keep track of her 3-year-old playing with the tools in the garden while she’s busy with her other kids. She decided that it wouldn’t take much of her kids’ childhood if they didn’t do too many extracurriculars until they are seven and up. They can be happy and enriched without them for a while.

 

 

 

Parental Emotional Abuse Throughout A Lockdown

Unlike physical violence, emotional abuse does not leave kids with a visible scar. Often, it gets impossible to detect that there is something wrong with children’s behavioral responses. Sometimes, kids can show a perfectly happy face while hiding sorrows and pain. Unfortunately, emotional abuse can have life-long damaging effects, such as weakening the kids’ emotional development and sense of self-worth. As a parent, you must recognize the signs of emotional abuse you might not know you’re giving your kids throughout the lockdown period.

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Showing Random Emotional Outbursts

Understandably, you get stressed with all the uncertainties caused by the pandemic. But if you are a parent that often shows your kids random outbursts, you might want to quit doing that. When you continuously show your kids that you are unable to control your emotions during this time, it makes them realize that their emotional needs are incomparable to yours. They will think that your outbursts are more critical, and they will soon neglect theirs. The kids will be more likely to experience holding on to their emotions until they no longer understand what those are. As a result, children will have difficulties achieving self-composure.

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Always Resorting To Aggression

Like other individuals, you also experience stress and anxiety due to the limitations you need to follow. Sometimes, it causes a different level of pressure where a parent like you resorts into aggression. In a pandemic time like this, the possibility of you shouting and yelling at your children is present. That is even for their small mistakes. You might view it as a normal life situation, but it does not help anyone in the family, especially the kids. It only creates emotional pressure. If that continues, kids will soon internalize the abuse and might lash out on others. Thus, the children might imitate the harsh treatment and not care if what they are doing hurts others.

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Lack Of Confidence To A Better Future

As a parent, you have to protect and care for your kids. However, when you are not confident about a better future because you believe that the pandemic is getting worse every day, you might want to reconsider that thought. When you always tell your kids about your frustrations, fear, and cynical hope in the situation, they might adapt to the same thinking. It will make them believe that the world they live right now is nothing but a place that only caters to an unsafe environment. If you continue to put scary information in the children’s heads, they will soon lose all the positivity of wanting things to get better. And soon, the kids will dismiss their feelings and end up emotionally unstable.

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No Safe Space For Children

Some parents who emotionally abuse their kids do not create a safe space and environment that allows their children to cry. In this pandemic context, some parents strongly demand their kids to accept everything that is happening even if the children cannot understand the situation. That is the worst thing that kids will have to endure during this lockdown. When parents are neglecting their kids’ emotional needs, it becomes ten times stressful for them. That is because kids’ will have to force themselves to bottle up their emotions to survive mentally. In the long run, kids who often suppress their emotions will heed towards inadequate coping mechanisms, including drug and alcohol abuse.

So if you are a parent who takes full responsibility in keeping your children safe from the infectious disease, consider securing their emotional well-being. Please do not become the cause of their emotional turmoil, especially when all they can rely on is you.  If you need assistance, BetterHelp is a great platform to help you face any complications in life. They are there to help you end the misery you are in.

How To Explain To Kids The Coronavirus Situation

Due to the Coronavirus outbreak, most adults try to live their lives on shaky ground. There’s too much anxiety to deal with and a lot of stress that takes up their everyday struggle. Often, the pressure of the situation that adults feel disrupts their ability to concentrate. So imagine how much more this pandemic situation is affecting the kids more than the adults.

As an adult and a parent, dealing with things in this global crisis is complicated. That is if you are also trying to look after your children. The pressure of staying attentive not only for your sake but for your kids as well is twice the burden. But if you are one of those parents that experience difficulty in explaining children about what is going on in the world today, you might not need to worry. Here are some guides that can help you make the children understand the situation.

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Be Honest About What’s Going On

Some parents want to protect their kids’ emotional and mental health by not telling them about the real health situation of the world. That is understandable at some point. Kids are vulnerable in terms of accepting the danger and complication of the situation. Some of them can quickly feel scared and threatened by the disease. However, though their level of anxiety and stress is different from adults, you should at least be honest with them about the global crisis. You need to explain that the world is suffering from the uncertainties of the Coronavirus. No, the purpose of telling the truth is not to input negative thoughts in their heads. Instead, explaining to them the real status of what’s going on will help them realize the importance of taking safety measures.

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Discuss The Possibility Of Death

As previously mentioned, sugarcoating about the situation will not help the children understand the crisis. Therefore, it is better to allow them to feel the emotional and mental pain because they need those to develop both of its stability. You need to talk to the children about the possibility of death due to the disease as well. Allow the kids to accept death as a normal circumstance, so they will not get a heightened level of fear towards it during this pandemic time. Ensure that you allow your children to process thoughts and emotions aligning with acceptance and acknowledgment too. That will help in preparing them for what might happen in the worst case possible.

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Never Force Them To Understand

It might be necessary to let your kids know about their responsibilities during this time of crisis, but you have to make an exemption somehow. Not all kids are alike, and some of them cannot quickly grasp the pressure of the situation. Therefore, never force them to understand everything as it will cause damage to their mental and emotional health. Instead, give children time to think and process the things they see, hear, and experience so that they can find a better way to deal with the situation independently. The pandemic crisis is too much to handle for you, so consider how stressful it is for the kids.

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Takeaway

These guidelines in explaining your kids the Coronavirus situation is essential. However, you must not forget to give kids the assurance of you always being there for them. You have to make the children feel that they are safe with you and that you won’t allow anything to happen to them. That way, despite the kids having to go through the process of painfully understanding the situation, they can still handle themselves well.