Category: Parenting Challenges

I grew up hearing people tell me that they wished to live as I did, even just for a day.

It confused me at first, but in the end, I thought, “How could I blame them?”

For one, Calabasas had been my stomping grounds for as long as I could remember. I lived in the same gated community where many A-list Hollywood celebrities lived. Though everyone complained about the Great Depression when I was in high school, it did not affect my family. My parents – both of them – were celebrated surgeons, and their combined salaries were enough to buy three more mansions in the area. I never had to ride a bus to and from school either, considering I had a personal car and driver.

Nevertheless, what people seemed to overlook was that we were Asians. Mom and Dad were both in the US, but their parents were first-generation immigrants who continued to follow Asian traditions even on American soil.

I loved telling people about my heritage; I’m honestly proud of having ancestors who fought in those great wars and died as heroes. However, if there was one thing that I was not proud of, it was the fact that many Asian parents tend to value their social status more than their true feelings sometimes.

Breaking The Picture-Perfect Idea

For instance, my oldest sister, Sia, got pregnant in her second year at UCLA. She was supposed to follow my parents’ footsteps and be the best doctor in California, but those plans went kaput as soon as she decided to marry her boyfriend and become a housewife.

My parents wanted to disown my sister when they learned about her pregnancy, of course. They kept berating her about how slutty she was for being unable to wait until after college to get married. However, to avoid any scandal, they threw a lavish wedding for my sister and pretended like they loved my brother-in-law.

In another circumstance, my father got caught with another woman one time. Mom was livid about it for weeks. She said, “What would our friends think once they found out about this?” I thought they would get divorced at that time, but Mom resolved that they would stick together no matter what.

However, what genuinely disturbed me and pushed me to drag all my family members to counseling was when my parents decided to sleep in bedrooms. In their hunger for a picture-perfect family, they’d rather stay in a loveless marriage instead of splitting up. I could not stand that, so I made an appointment for all of us.

Here are some things you may want to know about family counseling.

What does a family Counsellor do? 

 A family counselor helps family members dispute with each other as they encourage the latter to communicate better and lay out their issues. That way, they can reach an agreement and reconcile.

Can you get family Counselling on the NHS? 

 Yes, you can get family counseling on the NHS. It is one of the various types of counseling that they offer. More importantly, you need not ask for a referral from your psychologist or psychiatrist before availing of their services.

What is family therapy, and what are its goals and benefits? 

 Family therapy is a type of treatment that parents, children, and other relatives tend to sign up for when they have issues that they cannot talk about without fighting or yelling. Family therapy’s primary goal is to end any dispute that causes a family to divide or fall apart. The therapist also helps the family members improve their communication skills to not fight about the same things.

One of the benefits of family therapy is that everyone realizes the meaning of healthy boundaries and family dynamics. Sometimes, that gets lost in some people, assuming that what they are doing is acceptable because they all live under one roof.

Family therapy is ideal for individuals to develop a more profound sense of empathy towards their relatives. The more you understand your loved ones, the more you will think twice before throwing hurtful comments towards them.

How much does an MFT charge per hour? 

 A novice marriage and family therapist (MFT) may charge up to $70 per hour. As they gain more years of experience, though, their rate can become $250 per hour.

What is the difference between therapy and counseling? 

 Counseling is a short-term approach to help individuals deal with their current issues. For instance, when a couple fights because of a third party or your partner died, you need counseling to resolve your issues and know how to move on from the situation.

Meanwhile, therapy is a long-term approach that helps folks with deep-seated issues. This is useful if someone deals with childhood trauma, abuse, depression, anxiety, and other problems that cannot go away after a session or two.

Which Counselling approach is best? 

 Cognitive-behavioral therapy is one of the best approaches that psychologists and psychiatrists recommend to their patients. As the name implies, it recognizes how a person’s way of thinking affects their actions. Then, the therapist helps the patient recalibrate their thoughts to alter their behavior for the better.

Can Counselling be harmful? 

 Yes, counseling can technically be harmful, especially if the counselor you end up talking to does not have the proper training to offer to counsel. If you want to get this kind of help, it may be best to go straight to a psychologist instead of talking to anyone who poses as a counselor.

Why is it not good to have two therapists? 

 You cannot have two therapists because they follow different techniques and beliefs while treating a patient. That is true even when they ideally graduated from the same universities and received the same certifications. One may go left, while the other may go right.

It results in you getting confused or mixing up whatever the therapists have said. Instead of finding clarity and resolving your issues, you may end up dealing with more problems that were not there before you decided to see two therapists.

How do I choose a counselor? 

 When you are looking for a counselor, the first thing you must ask yourself is, “How comfortable am I to talk to this person?” Your friends and family can recommend anyone and say they are the best, but if you do not feel some kind of connection with the counselor, you need to look for another.

You should also look at the counselor’s success rate and certifications. If they have more positive reviews than negative ones, it must mean that they are competent. 

What credentials should I look for in a therapist?

The therapist’s level of education is the primary credential that you need to look for. A bachelor’s degree in counseling or psychology does not suffice to call someone a therapist. You can only do that once they have a master’s or doctoral degree, as well as a license to conduct therapy.

Furthermore, it would be nice if the license is related to the kind of therapy they offer. For instance, if it’s marriage and family therapy, you should go to a licensed marriage and family therapist (LMFT).

Comparing Life Before And After Family Counseling

Despite the affluence that my parents gave me, I was unhappy before the family counseling. In my head, I would rather be a product of divorce than a product of two individuals who already grew apart.

To everyone’s surprise, though, Mom and Dad opened up about their reservations, fears, and disappointments. It was a long and tearful process, and we were nowhere near done with it. I was cool with that as long as it meant that I could feel lucky to belong in this family anytime.

TV commercials are populated with junk foods and fast foods with little to no nutritional value. This constant viewing of advertisements increases the chance that children will beg their parents to buy these types of foods. Children who spend a lot of time watching television or surfing online are more likely to eat more, regardless if they are hungry or not. For parents, it is quite alarming because of the risks it may bring to their child’s health.  

Continue reading “The War Against Junk Foods”

If you raise a spoiled child, both of you will reap the consequences in the long run.

Parents listen up; spoiling your child is not healthy. If one day you end up asking yourself questions like, “Where did I go wrong?” followed by, “I gave you everything you need and want.” Well, you just answered your question. Love does not mean you have to give your kids everything they want just because they throw tantrums at you or whines every minute of the day.

Continue reading “My Child’s A Brat: Consequences Of Tolerating A Spoiled Behavior”

Having children is a wish for a lot of people. They say that you will only realize the true meaning of being alive when you have kids to care for and cherish. You will know what it’s like to sacrifice without feeling a morsel of regret about it. You can experience happiness, no matter how challenging it can be to provide their needs. 

The thing is, most parents believe that the rebellious phase only comes when their kids hit puberty. That’s when they become hormonal, after all, and develop mood swings. It is a part of growing up – something that no one can ever stop. Carl E Pickhardt Ph.D. explains this “Although the young person thinks rebellion is an act of independence, it actually never is. It is really an act of dependency. Rebellion causes the young person to depend their self-definition and personal conduct on doing the opposite of what other people want.”

However, it is not uncommon either to see children rebel even before they become adolescents. To avoid becoming dumbfounded when you experience it firsthand, you should know what pushes them to become rebellious early.

They Feel Treated Unfairly

The first reason why kids rebel early is perhaps jealous. Among siblings, there is usually a weakling who require parents’ care more than others. If a child does not realize that, they may think that their mom or dad favors their brother or sister more. It may then cause them to act up so that they can receive some attention, regardless if it’s good or bad. “Sometimes parents think that comparing one sibling to another will inspire a misbehaving child to behave better.  It NEVER works this way. Comparisons hurt.” emphasized Eileen Kennedy-Moore Ph.D.

Their Parents Filed For Divorce

When parents decide to divorce each other, they say that it’s for the best. However, kids do not exactly understand that and want their mom and dad to stay together forever. If it does not happen, they may choose to take part in activities that they have been told not to do. E.g., sneaking out, smoking, dating, doing drugs, etc. Marilyn Price-Mitchell Ph.D. says that “Research shows that parents who experience conflict in their relationship tend to use inconsistent disciplinary strategies with their children. Why? It is hypothesized that the way parents discipline children varies with the status of the spousal relationship.”

They Have Depression

Children can have depression. Millions of them have already been diagnosed with it from the tender age of 3. Dealing with this disorder entails that they may push away their loved ones. When their siblings try to play with them, the depressed kid may turn their back. If the parents want to bond with them or take a picture together, they either lock the bedroom door or not smile at all.

No One Seems To Understand Them

This issue is typically experienced by kids with high IQ levels. The truth is that some brilliant children tend to talk about things that their parents with average IQ may not understand. They may speak of quantum physics in the middle of a conversation, and their mom or dad will not know how to respond. They may ask about chemical reactions, but no one tries to answer them. As a result, they act up to gain a response.

Final Thoughts

Kids are born good. They may already show different personalities as soon as they arrive, but they are all sweet and cuddly. Their only fault is that they are excellent at copying the actions or emotions of others. In case you notice their attitudes turning sour, therefore, there is no one to blame but the people they hang out with most of the time.

Considering you don’t want your kids to rebel early, you should not push them to do it with your decisions and behavior.

This world needs positivity, and it’s up to the kids to make that happen.

Optimism is rare these days, not a lot of people is as positive as they intended to be. But the thing about optimism is, it can take you places if you’ll only open your mind to possibilities. This mindset is something that you have to teach your kids especially now that there are heaps and heaps of unforeseeable challenges ahead.

“Optimism is a mindset.  It encompasses a ‘can do’ attitude, such as seeing opportunity where others see failure,” write Shoba Sreenivasan, Ph.D., and Linda E. Weinberger, Ph.D.

Continue reading “Turning the Negative to Positive: Developing Optimism in Children”

Have you been burdened by gender roles ever since you became a mother? Although most people and companies practice equality these days, there are still a few who think that moms are supposed to stay at home only. Your job is to take care of your husband and kids, not to build your career, or so they say.

If the idea does not sit well with you, try to gain inspiration from Malini Saba.

The Past

Malini’s life story began when she was born to parents with mid-range income in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. Her family then moved to Australia, where she remained until the age of 19. Afterward, she decided to relocate to the United States with her then-husband and try her luck there. This was a significant risk on her part, as she only had 200 dollars as pocket money when she traveled.

Even though she admitted that they were living in a non-sturdy apartment near the railroad, her former spouse was a student in Stanford University, and it allowed Saba to join a few classes without paying a cent. The fields of studies that caught her interest were related to investment and business. By the time she gained enough information through the lectures she had shown up to, Malini had gone on to ask for guidance from investment bankers and other professionals in the financial industry who know more than the theories taught in the classrooms. Her persistence to learn the tricks of the trade even led her to come uninvited to various parties where she could meet such experts

The Present

Malini Saba’s efforts have paid off since she is now one of the leading female investors on the planet. The investments she had made not only in the US but in South Asia and Europe as well are concentrated in technological, oil and gas, and agricultural industries.

Being a seasoned capitalist in Silicon Valley, Saba has stocks in companies like Paypal, Netscreen Technologies, and Sycamore Networks. She is also into market commodities. When not a lot of entrepreneurs were doubtful about investing in India, she disregarded the hearsays and bought thousands of hectares of rice fields and ventured into gold mining.

Her success in the business has allowed her to donate millions for the creation of the Heart Research Center for South Asians in Mountain View, California and the 2004 tsunami victims in Sri Lanka and India. 

Stree

Malini Saba has put up her foundation too in 2001 named Stree: Global Investments in Women. She has seen how many mothers and children live on the planet without a source of income and can only depend on the salary of their husbands and fathers, respectively. She created Stree as she wishes to empower the female population of various countries who belong to impoverished families by giving them free training and education on diverse practices that they can make money out of shortly. Medical assistance is also available to them. The lady CEO believes that these are the simple things she can do to help them lead more exceptional lives.

Her Definition Of Success

Success in the eyes of Malini Saba entails being able to follow one’s passion with a smile painted on their faces. Her most significant accomplishment is giving birth to a lovely daughter who provided her a sense of completion as a woman. The young child serves as her main inspiration as well to create a better world for everyone.

Also, she disclosed that living in the past is not one of her philosophies. History should only become a foundation of strength and knowledge. In case something knocks her down along the path to real happiness, the fall will be softer, and she can get up fast again.

5 Reasons Why You Shouldn’t

Many American parents pay their kids for doing their chores. One child expert, who’s a parent herself, stresses out that this shouldn’t be. Find out the reasons why.

Continue reading “Don’t Pay Your Kids For Doing Their Chores!”