Getting A Grip Even When Your Children Are Turning Your Marriage Upside Down



Parenting has its ups and downs; either way, situations about childcare can affect a couple’s relationship in ways unimaginable, often for good, yet sometimes, for the bad.


Having kids is a wonderful addition to the family. However, nobody said how it would be challenging on people’s marriages the moment their children start to weigh in on their relationship to the point that partners no longer have time for themselves.


Marriage First


Although it is a common notion that inside the family, the children’s needs must come first, it is also essential that couples remind themselves that without a harmonious and robust relationship between them, a happy and loving environment will not exist. Making the bond a priority will not only reinforce a stable relationship between couples but also create a trusting relationship with their children.


How can you prioritize your marriage? By doing these simple steps in making sure that quality time is not taken for granted:


  1. Establish Rituals


Date nights during the weekends are often recommended to couples; however, this does not always work especially when you bring your kids with you. So aside from scheduling weekends for “couples time,” and wishing that it would be a successful event, consider establishing simple, romantic daily rituals. Say, for example, making each other’s favorite blend of coffee or talking about individual plans to start off the day. At night, talk about the entirety of the day before you both head off to sleep. Send funny or sweet texts even once a day to remind your partner that you are thinking of him or her despite the busy schedule.

“Couple-time rituals include recreational activities, communication times, and getaways you both enjoy. Here are some examples to get you thinking. A morning coffee ritual. A Saturday date night ritual. An exercise ritual. A little dance ritual. A daily expression of gratitude ritual. A final words, final moments, end-of-the-day ritual,” writes Mark Powell, D.Min.

Enjoy each other’s company, and as much as possible do not allow any types of interruptions when you’re together. Do not weaken your connection just because you are parents and have to deal with a lot of distressing situations in your lives.

  1. Always Be Grateful

Focusing on the negatives occurring inside and outside the house is easier than focusing on the positives, especially if your better half gets on your nerves when he or she fails to do tasks or obligations.




Though it’s hard to let go of errors, it’s more beneficial if both couples would instead focus on the things that they love about each other. Note the qualities that amaze and endear you to your significant other and always be generous when giving compliments. Be thankful for each other’s existence and the efforts made to keep the family intact. Focusing on the good things about each other and expressing it on a regular basis strengthens relationships and builds trust. Knowing that you appreciate and love each other is essential in every marriage.

“Instead of just waiting for the other person to make you feel good, you can jumpstart that cycle and take it into your own hands by focusing on what’s good in your relationship,” says Dr. Amie Gordon, a psychologist from U.C. Berkeley

  1. Support Each Other All The Way

Looking after your children should not be the focus of your entire existence; you are still individuals who yearn to do recreational activities that boost personality and character. If your partner has found something he or she enjoys, give your full support. If your partner wants to enroll in a dance class, don’t stop him or her. This show of support is just one of the few things that would remind your partner how much their individuality means to you.

“Ask how you can help – don’t assume you know what to do. Afterward, talk about what worked and what didn’t and adjust accordingly,” writes Joni E Johnston, Psy.D.

Remember that it’s vital for couples to spend time romantically together. Do not lose sight of the reasons why you are together and what made you love each other. Besides, the children wouldn’t mind if their parents would go out on dates and rekindle the flames of their relationship.