If you raise a spoiled child, both of you will reap the consequences in the long run.
Parents listen up; spoiling your child is not healthy. If one day you end up asking yourself questions like, “Where did I go wrong?” followed by, “I gave you everything you need and want.” Well, you just answered your question. Love does not mean you have to give your kids everything they want just because they throw tantrums at you or whines every minute of the day.
Pampering your kids just to prove that you are a great parent is not the same as educating your kids that their temperament won’t work on you because life does not work that way; just because you want it, doesn’t mean it will receive it in an instant. Parents have to teach their kids that, to get what they want, they have to work hard for it because that’s how life will treat them.
If you love your kids, spoiling them with everything that their hearts’ desire is a no-no. Do not give them the impression that they have control over you and can easily manipulate you by throwing a public outburst. Anything excessive is not ideal. How bad? Well, it can turn into these consequences:
Impaired Social Skills
When you hear people say that your child is a “brat,” it usually means bad behavior. Because children did not learn that social interaction and connection involve a give and take relationship; it’s never a one-way road. Spoiled children often do not have many friends or no friends at all because they have this notion that people should adjust to their needs and not the other way around, making them insensitive to the needs and feelings of other people. Jim Taylor Ph.D. agrees to this “Problems arose when they entered the real world of school, sports, and relationships beyond the family. The children were simply incapable of functioning in a healthy way or taking care of themselves in the real world.” It’s quite difficult to form meaningful relationships if your children think that everything must go their way; again, the world does not work that way.
Spoonfed children are bound to grow up always relying on their parents or other people to suffice their needs, having this impression that can easily depend on other people to fulfill tasks or gain necessities for them. Furthermore, if they were used to their parents always hovering around and coddling them, once the kids grow up, they will find it hard to find meaning in being happy alone and will still require someone to be there and solve or do things for them. Carl E Pickhardt Ph.D. says that this kind of behavior is enabled “Through special treatment and special exceptions made by parents, and through being always put first, he has developed a sense of deserving to get his way.” Habitual dependence teaches your child how to be selfish and will cripple the chances of being independent, self-sufficient adults.
Because their parents have tolerated their behavior and have not imposed stricter rules on being a better person, kids grow up lacking motivation, having poor decision-making skills, and also they become lazy. They also lack the emotional maturity to deal with the circumstances and mistakes they’ve made. Whenever kids did something wrong, parents must always point out that they are accountable for their actions and must be responsible enough to face the consequences.
Defiance of Rules and Regulations
Spoiled brats are irresponsible to the point of not accepting and understanding that there are certain boundaries you must not cross as adults. Allowing your children to manipulate you while they’re young will give them this self-indulging feeling that they can get away with anything. As adults, they will have issues with addiction and dealings with authorities because they think that the system should work for them and not them working for the system.
Fredric Neuman M.D. further explains “A spoiled child may be recognized by an unwillingness to conform to the ordinary demands of living in a family: for example, a refusal to come for dinner on time, a demand for attention or for a privilege denied to others, a strategy for getting his or her way by creating a fuss publicly.”
Turning Against You
Disrespect is a significant consequence of kids who grew up getting what they want. Since you’ve allowed them to control you with their charm or their whining, you are making them establish power over you which is not ideal once they grow up. Spoiled brats have this belief of entitlement to anything and everything that when you refuse, will somehow seem like you don’t love them and are withholding gratification. This kind of attitude and behavior will hit them hard once they’ve immersed themselves to the outside world.
It is a universal yearning for parents to fulfill their children’s happiness. However, providing your children what they need and pampering them with what they want are two different things. While one makes you a responsible and sensible parent, the other makes you an enabler of bad behavior which will have severe drawbacks on your children. Remember, you are the parent, and you mold your child into becoming a person who knows how to thrive and survive in this thing called life.