Parenting Tips and Guide Info

What do parents need to do when they caught their children stealing from their purse or using their credit card? It’s normal to get disappointed and angry about the situation; however, the distrust that comes along with it is the one that’s going to destroy the bond between parent and child.

Continue reading “Caught Red-Handed: Dealing With Stealing”

How do you manage your child’s temper? Managing your kid’s temper can be challenging but it is a must.

The role that every parent plays in the life of a child is significant. The kind of person your kid will become in the future depends on how you deal with and manage him while he is still young. As much as possible, make an effort to manage and discipline your little one, especially with tantrums, while he is still in his tender years. 

Based on a recent study conducted by a therapist, your child’s upbringing can dictate his attitude and personality as he starts to grow up. Because of this, you are responsible for doing everything you can to see to it that he becomes an outstanding and excellent member of the community.

In this article, our primary focus will be about learning the different ways on how you can control your child’s tantrums. Dona Matthews Ph.D. says that “A tantrum is a vivid way to effectively communicate the frustration, anger, and powerlessness a stutterer very understandably feels.” First of all, you have to note and understand that kids with tantrums can be challenging to handle. Therefore, you may need to exert more efforts in increasing your patience in disciplining him.  Take note that there are tons of ways on how you can teach your child not to act out, especially in public. Be sure to remember the list of tips and tricks below:

Manage Time For Your Child

Are you aware that one of the reasons why your child is having tantrums is because he is looking for attention? As a parent, you have to see to it that he will get all the focus and attention from you while he is growing up. Make sure that he will not look for other avenues to get noticed. Your primary goal is to make an effort to reach out to him at all times. You must learn as early as now that no amount of money can ever give you a chance to buy lost times with your child. You have to allow work and business to take too much of your time. Otherwise, you may lose a good relationship with your kid, and it can be one of the causes for his tantrums. “A child who is crying is in trouble and needs your help. She is overwhelmed by strong emotions, feels helpless and alone and does not know how to calm herself down. Our job as parents is to comfort our child and help her work through her frustrations.” reminds Meri Wallace, LCSW.

Talk To Your Child Regularly And Frequently

Another thing that you need to accomplish is to establish a different kind of connection with your child, wherein he will start to listen to whatever you say. It is crucial on your part to take notice of what makes him get mad easily or makes him smile. If you want to be sure about these matters, it is best to talk to him about it. Let your child know that he can open up anything to you so that he will not become aloof or introvert. Talking to your child now and then can increase the confidence that he will have in you. Amy Przeworski Ph.D. emphasizes that “Most of the work of handling your child’s tantrums should occur at home.” As a result, he will not only learn to trust you but also respect whatever you do.

Keep Him Busy

If you do not want your child to get bored and develop a negative attitude out from it, it is best if you will enroll him in activities that can keep him preoccupied. For example, during the weekdays, you can ask him to attend tutorial classes wherein he will be taught how to increase memory retention or even get assistance for his school assignments. During summer, you can also encourage him to take up summer courses that will not only keep him busy but also improve his skills. However, the initial step that you must do is to ask him whether or not he is interested in doing all the activities that you want. Otherwise, he will only end up feeling forced to do something that he is not interested in.

Manage Temper of Your Child By Rewarding Good Deeds

Do not forget to notice all the great things that your child does in a given day or week. Give him recognition whenever he completes a task or does not embarrass himself in public. Let him know or show him how much you appreciate his attitude and personality. You have to make him remember that he will get a reward whenever he will do something that makes you proud. Of course, you must explain to him why he is getting a reward for a particular activity. Consequently, you also need to inform him that there can be something negative that may happen if he will continue to defy your parenting choices. Use positive reinforcement in the right way.

The last point to take note of is that you must never embarrass your child in public. Failure to do this can make the situation worse for you.

Having a kid relevantly impacts the dynamics within a family, and when there are three kids, it’s not uncommon for the middle one to feel neglected. Psychologists have termed this the middle child syndrome, pertaining to the middle one causing distress to the family, or is the one in distress because he feels unimportant, left out, and unloved. This becomes obvious to him especially if the eldest child performs well in school and is quite talented, and the youngest in the family is the darling of everybody. In this case, the middle child is often moody, bitter, detached, and insecure.

“Middle children often go to an extreme to get attention, which is why some dye their hair purple or become a fanatic about a particular singing group—because they need an identity really bad,” says Meri Wallace, LCSW.
Continue reading “Parenting Tips On How to Prevent Middle Child Syndrome”

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 My husband and I married late, and we were not blessed with children of our own, so when we were sure there was nothing we could do we decided to adopt a baby girl from foster care. I got Melissa when she was six. Sister Claire told me she came from abusive parents and was diagnosed with a mental illness – posttraumatic stress disorder was what she was diagnosed with. Yes, we knew that she was mentally ill before we took her and we took her anyway.

Almost every day for two years, I would jump out of bed in the middle of the night from Melissa’s sobs and shouts. She would say somebody’s out to get her, and always I would console her, tell her everything is fine and that she’s not in that place any longer. No one will ever hurt her again. She would go back to sleep, and the next day, the same thing would happen. “It’s easy to believe that those with mental illness are doing it on purpose, but these behaviors and states are a part of the disorder.” says Monnica T Williams Ph.D. She adds “People with mental illness have a problem that is like any physical illness.”

As she was growing up, my husband and I were there for her, talking and listening to her, educating her at home and in school. We did what every parent would do for their children – love them and guide them.

After six months of living in our home, we decided to bring Melissa to a counselor, where she was encouraged to express her fears. She would tell the counselor about the voices she heard and the shadows that came to her bed to take her away from us. It was so painful looking at her. I imagine how it would feel if I were in her shoes and I thought perhaps I wouldn’t be able to have the nerve

 Source: womensoutreach.ca

Past Mistakes

When I think about it, the first two years became more difficult for me (not for her) because I was struggling not only with hurt for my daughter but for shame and frustration as well. I wanted her to act properly when we were outside, but most of the time Melissa was aloof and problematic. When her school principal would call me, I’d tell my daughter of my disappointment and my wish that she was normal like the others.

If you are a mom or a dad, or you are parents of a child with a mental condition, I really hope you wouldn’t commit the same mistakes I did. So below are some of the most vital lessons I’ve learned about raising a kid with mental illness.

 

• Establish Open Communication. Do not shut off your child and always give her the opportunity to explain herself when she does something wrong or when she has a tantrum in a public place. Remember that most of her behavior is not intentional, and you can’t fix her on your own by just reprimanding her and telling her not to do it again. “Talking openly is an opportunity to correct misconceptions and decrease the anxiety that comes with uncertainty.” Elana Premack Sandler L.C.S.W., M.P.H says. Let’s not concentrate on fixing our kids but instead spend more time understanding them.

 

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• Don’t Forget To Care For You. It’s what we refer to as self-care. When we first got Melissa, I was too busy being a full-time mother while my husband worked two jobs. I felt like I was a single parent who was overwhelmed with all the responsibility of taking care of a child with a mental condition. I was trying so hard to take care of her that I forget to take care of me. I almost gave up and went to a psychiatrist myself, and she was the one who made me realize that I needed to care for myself for me to effectively care for my daughter for a long time. As people say, put your mask first before you help others with theirs.

 

• Loving Means Accepting. We keep saying that we love our children no matter what, but we don’t need to just say it. We must show it. “The real fear is not that the child will be “labeled,” but that the parent of the child will be “labeled” as having a less than perfect child.” says Amy Tuteur M.D. The willingness to understand what your child is going through is the first step of accepting what he or she is. And by acceptance, I do not mean just giving up and not thinking of improvement or alleviation – because they can improve, they can be better, and they can even be cured.

 

 

 

 

Source: whitehouse.gov

Are your children dealing with bullying, family conflict, or health complications? And do you notice that it’s taking a toll on them mentally? If the answer to these questions is yes, your children may need to undergo therapy. When a variety of problems affect how people think and feel, a possible form of treatment is therapy. It is when people talk about their situation and emotions to learn how to deal with them.

Therapy can also help people with conditions like ADHD, depression, and anxiety, to name a few. If your children receive any of these diagnoses, it’s recommendable that you have them undergo therapy.

However, the entire process may seem intimidating, even scary, especially for the younger ones. The usual one-on-one sessions with a therapist might not work with some children. So, here are three alternative types of therapy that your children, as well as the rest of the family, can try:

Art Therapy

“When words are not enough, we turn to use images and symbols to tell of one’s life story and pave a path to recovery and transformation. Art and Expressive Therapy can help in the treatment of trauma/abuse, anxiety, depression, low self esteem, medical issues/illness, and grief and loss,” says Lara Henson, LCSW, a verified therapist of Psychology Today.

Art is already known as a form of catharsis. It means that it’s an outlet through which one can release intense emotions. Through this catharsis, people get rid of their negative feelings. It is what art therapy seeks to accomplish. Art therapy isn’t just “arts and crafts.” It’s not adult coloring books or coloring apps either. Making art in this context encourages participants to create works that explain how they feel.

In art therapy, participants can express their perceptions, experiences, and problems visually. This form of creative expression overcomes the limits of language. After all, explaining what you feel isn’t always easy, especially in the case of young children.

If your kids are interested in the arts, it might be a good idea for you to bring them to an art therapy session. The environment is very relaxed and friendly. Plus, your children would be doing something they’re interested in. Who knows? You too might appreciate art!

Play Therapy

Don’t be so quick to discount this form of therapy as “just play.” It might seem like fun and games to the children involved, but they get to express a lot of significant emotions. Remember that kids communicate by playing.

“Play therapy is a type of mental health counseling that allows children to use a specially designed playroom to facilitate expression of emotions and feelings,” shares Jennifer Taylor, LCSW, RPT, specializing in individual group, and family therapy with a specialty in Play Therapy. “In play therapy, children can take control of the therapy experience by choosing to play and/or talk.”

For example, playing pretend allows them to assume a role that they rarely take on as children. Through this role, they can express their emotional experiences. Through this, the play therapist can talk to them about their feelings. And together, they can find ways for your children to cope with their problems.

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Play and reality aren’t very different from each other. By playing certain games, the play therapist can learn about your children’s circumstances. Despite the fun and carefree exterior, the process helps therapists and concerned family members learn more about their children.

Much like its art counterpart, play therapy helps children work with unbearable and complicated feelings. It allows them to express emotions that, often, cannot be expressed through language. And in this context, they’re able to do so in a safe and non-intimidating environment.

Pet Therapy

Finally, there is pet therapy or animal-assisted therapy (AAT). In this form of treatment, an animal, as well as an animal handler, is present.

“In my clinical practice as a professional counselor, I have worked with a dog, a rabbit and horses and I’ve noticed benefits–especially anxiety reduction and relationship enhancement–when working with all three species,” discusses Leslie Stewart, PhD, LPC, an assistant professor of counseling at Idaho State University. “Since animal-assisted therapy is a relational approach, I think the provider’s skill along with the animal’s temperament and individual personality is probably more important than the animal species.”

A lot of animals serve in pet therapy. The most common are dogs and cats. Other animals include guinea pigs and horses. Children that are allergic to fur can work with fishes and dolphins. In the end, the animal of choice depends on the child and the kind of help they need. With each animal, there is a different kind of therapy.

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A lot of children work well during pet therapy. It’s easier for them to bond with an animal than it is with a human therapist. Given this, they’re less anxious about the processes. Pet therapy not only helps children cope with their mental stress. It teaches them to be compassionate towards another living being. It also helps them learn how to communicate, both verbally and non-verbally.

Parent Child Interaction Therapy

One-on-one sessions might not be practical for your children. Being left alone with someone unfamiliar might make them uncomfortable and less likely to talk about what they feel.

These alternative forms of therapy might work better as they combine therapeutic practices with fun. They’re also conducted in an environment that children see as less threatening. If you think your children might need therapy, consider these three alternatives!

 

 

If you think that your children are not mature enough to comprehend any of your adult conversations, then think again. When the family gathers around for dinner and mom and dad suddenly muster something about what they did in the bedroom, they think they can easily change the topic or find a nice segue without the kids wondering. You must not assume that they don’t have an idea about what it was, because they do.

“In my practice, parents are constantly shocked by what kids have overheard,” said family psychologist Brad Sachs, PhD, author of The Good Enough Child and The Good Enough Teen. “But as soon as children can talk, they’re listening to what you say.”

And if you think they just overheard what you and your friends were talking about in the backyard, try asking them. Allow them to talk, and you’ll realize that they were listening. Children sometimes get confused and upset by mature conversations, and they may not tell you about it, but they’re already worried by what they heard. So before your child says something to your in-laws about what you may have said, perhaps now is the time to talk more carefully.

 

Topics To Avoid When Kids Are Around

Don’t discuss these when little ears can hear:

 

• Tense topics. You need to be cautious when you want to discuss serious issues, such as finances or family problems, because your kids may be listening. They are drawn toward emotional conversations and misunderstandings. This is confirmed by Eileen Kennedy-Moore, Ph.D., an author and psychologist in Princeton, New Jersey. You think it’s okay because they don’t completely understand, but that’s exactly the problem. If they hear it and have trouble understanding what is going on, their interpretation of the topic may even be worse than what it is.

 

What You Can Do. If there’s something unpleasant happening at home, your children will eventually sense it no matter how hard you hide it. So maybe you can share with them the simple facts.

 

• Criticisms Toward Your Kids. Sometimes, when you’re too upset about your child, you impulsively share this over the phone with a friend, telling her how stubborn your kid is or divulging his mistakes to them. When your kid overhears this, he will more likely be ashamed, sad that you’re mad at him, and frustrated that he keeps on failing you.

 

What You Can Do. One of the common mistakes that parents do is not minding if their kids hear them talk about criticism toward them. This will have a negative impact on their confidence and perception of themselves. “It can be really hurtful if your kids overhear you criticizing them or talking about some mistake they made,” said Eileen Kennedy-Moore, PhD. “Be discreet about your kids’ indiscretions.” Avoid complaining about your children’s mistakes to others.

 

• Trash Talk. Don’t you care if your kids are around and you’re criticizing their teacher, ex-husband, friend, or mother?

 

What You Can Do. You are displaying negative behavior for your child to follow. This is why some kids think nothing’s wrong when they say something unpleasant about somebody. Or maybe you might say something cruel about someone that your child cares about. And though he might get hurt, he won’t tell you. So stop.

 

• Frequent Complaining. When you keep complaining about how exhausted and frustrated you are about your job, or why your husband’s job entails him to work in the evenings, you are also modeling bad behavior, and maybe your child would repeat this attitude in school – with his homework, lessons, or teachers. Obviously, this doesn’t have a good outcome.

 

Source: fakingnews.com

What You Can Do. Let him hear about the positive points of your job, that no matter how exhausting it is, it’s worth it. Explain to him working or being diligent and patient has their rewards.

 

• Devastating World News. For your children, when they hear bad news on television, like terrorism, disasters, or robbery, they’d think these things could also happen to them any time. They would be afraid that the tsunami might come to them while they’re sleeping, or some bad guys would invade their house one evening.

 

What You Can Do. Some parents go to the extent of cutting their television to protect their child from depressing world events. Perhaps it would be all right not to shield your children from world events, not completely. You can make time to explain the news to them and reassuring them that they are safe with you.

 

• Yes, this is very common – parents swearing in front of their children. When your kids hear this, they’ll attempt to repeat it, and you should not overreact, as it will only make the word sound exciting to your child.

 

What You Can Do. Always avoid swearing when your kids are around and never swear AT them. If you are not able to control your outbursts, tell your children to collect a dollar from you when they hear you swear. This will make them realize that you don’t want to swear and you’ll be punished if you will.

Conclusion

Sometimes, no matter how careful you are, your children will end up overhearing things that you shouldn’t have allowed them to hear. A productive way to solve this is to ask them straight about what they heard, assuring them that they won’t be reprimanded if they tell you. Being proactive is also a wise move, like explaining to them in a way that is age-appropriate. If it is essential that they should not know about something, then you might as well get out of the house and go for a walk with your partner so you can talk without worrying if they’ll know.

“Parenting is a difficult job, and one in which we all make mistakes at times. Communicating effectively with our children takes time and energy,” wrote Melanie Greenberg, PhD. Open your mind and realize that your children are affected by everything they hear. You just need to approach them the right way and always, with love.

 

 

 

A lot of parents have a variety of methods regarding their parenting style. All of which differ from one child to another. However, in most cases, some parents somehow agree on some of the things that they don’t want their children to know. Let’s try to check out that stuff and understand why some parents consider it a taboo for kids.

 

Relationship And Divorce Issues

Most parents are incapable of telling their kids about the marital situation. It is either they want to keep it a secret or want their kids to figure it out on their own. They somehow try to avoid too many personal questions. Sometimes, the thought of confrontation scares them. The avoidance becomes enough to divert the current issue into something that’s not of a big of a deal. In some events, parents leave their kids hanging and uninformed about the things concerning their family relationship.

However, “[c]hildren & teens look to you to help them understand what is going on,” wrote Robert Taibbi, LCSW. “That said, this is a change over which children have no control, over which they have little, at best, understanding about the why and what of this change in their lives. As parents we want the best for our children and sometimes that means we need to create the best for ourselves.”

Sexual Involvement

As much as possible, parents don’t want their kids to tackle sex at an early stage. Sometimes, they even leave them alone and let them understand it in secret. Since it is all about intimacy in all forms of sexual affirmations, parents avoid getting questioned about it. They feel embarrassed and too uncomfortable to share experience and knowledge. In some instances, when a child asks about where kids are from, they answer in a complete metaphoric statement. It becomes fair enough not to directly tell the child that babies are the result of two individuals who have unprotected sexual intercourse.

 

Same-Sex Relationship

Kids are naturally curious about a lot of things. And when they start to ask something, they would certainly want an answer. Though some same-sex couples easily find it comfortable telling their kids about the situation, it differs on others. Parents, who have opposite gender, tend to avoid discussing gay marriage to their children. They seem too afraid to talk about it. They believe that if they do, they will imprint an idea on their kids’ heads.

Nonetheless, Fred Kaeser EdD, said, “My belief is it is never too late to begin your conversations with your child. But it can certainly be far better to start early. I advise parents that the age of 5 is a wonderful time to lay a foundation for what homosexuality is and to instill in your young child a sense of tolerance and acceptance for being lesbian or gay.”

Bereavement From Losing Someone

Though others may think that grief is okay, for some parents, death is not a good topic to be discussed in front of children. They believe that talking about it induces fear and worries on the kids’ younger minds. Although the idea of death is something universal, parents don’t want them to suffer an emotional and mental breakdown at an early stage. That is quite an acceptable reason because the topic of death itself will affect their overall function. Parents try to avoid children to force themselves to understand the things that they are not supposed to know at that particular moment.

When talking about death, Deborah Serani, PsyD, said, “Share information in doses. Gauge what your child can handle by giving information in small bits at a time. You’ll know what more to do based on the questions your child asks.”

It’s understandable that parents only want what’s best for their kids. However, it doesn’t mean that some of these topics should have to be avoided. Though some of these are scary, parents need to find the right words that can best describe the situation. They may talk about it too soon or somehow they might not. Nonetheless, the essential things are the pieces of information children can learn from these topics.

Finding out that your child is clinically depressed can break your heart into million pieces. Depression in children will be easier on your part to feel sorry for what happened to him. You will start to blame yourself for your shortcomings.

While this may be the normal reaction for any parent, it does not mean that there is no way out. Fortunately, there are now several ways on how you can help reduce or manage depression in children, one of which is therapy, wherein your child will have numerous face-to-face sessions with a therapist.

 

Continue reading “Depression In Children”